How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
