uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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