So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
