grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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