cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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