morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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