My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
