That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
