Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
