So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
