I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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