I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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