I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
