I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
