Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Randomize