Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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