Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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