Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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