This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
