bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
