After last night, I could never be a politician.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
