you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
