I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
