So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I need moral support for this bender
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
