I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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