I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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