already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
