U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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