Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
