No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize