too bad you live with your parents still
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
