you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
