WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
