i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
