i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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