The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
