so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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