I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
