I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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