dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
