I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
