It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
