I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
so explain again why im purple
no
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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