Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
