4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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