i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
