I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
