he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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