i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
