let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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