dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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