I want to walk on stilts...naked
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
