Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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