i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
