Someone shit on the floor
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
