At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Send help, water and tortillas.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
