Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize