dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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