I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
