Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
