new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
