my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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