It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
