I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
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