felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
