peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
