Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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