Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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