Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize