dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
