my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
