Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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