If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
