How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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