Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize