You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
