Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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