I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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