hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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