I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he shaved USA in his pubs
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
