If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
