Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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