i just wanna soil my oats bro
I've blown a few things in my day
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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