I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
