your parents love me but you hate me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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