the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize