She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
