her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
