Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
