Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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