I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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