I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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