I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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