Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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