I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
