Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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