airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
third nipple confirmed
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
