spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
