i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
