He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
