i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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