If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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