I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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