Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize