I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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