Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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