I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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