If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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