I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
