Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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