Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
