I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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