if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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