They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
